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I Don’t Know What I Have, But It’s Making Go Insane

I do not know what is wrong with me. I told the doctor everything that is wrong, but she could not figure out what it is. Ever since Sunday I’ve been feeling dazed, confused, had difficulty concentrating, mood swings, lack of balance, headaches, lack of appetite, noxious, and disoriented. I am still feeling like this right now.

It takes me longer to accomplish certain things. I can’t type as well anymore. It’s hard for me to formulate a sentence without having to think about it ahead of time. I can’t read for long periods of time, which is great when you have two test coming up this week. I don’t know what to do. I am worried that this won’t go away. I am scared that this will stay permanent. I don’t know what to think since I can’t concentrate. I am just an paranoid and emotional wreck.

Sorry for the rant and for the lack of interesting reading material. haha I am just frustrated with myself.

Thank you for your time,

+john

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Fail of A Blogger, Summer 2012

It’s been 221 says since my last blog post. What is wrong with me? Welp. I guess I didn’t fulfill that part of my new year’s Resolution. What’s new, right? I decided to at least write this short post to hopefully start some kind of rhythm or habit. I hope this will continue on. (I’m still mad at 221 days haha)

So here’s an update of my life so far:

I took my last final today! Woo! Time to celebrate! Even though I said that I wouldn’t do this to myself again, I decided to take 9 more hours this summer. When will I have a summer to relax? At least the classes I took were interesting. I took both Time Matters and Theories of Persuasion. I HIGHLY recommend taking both of these classes. They’re straight forward, fun, eyeopening, and they are grate GPA boosters! I forgot to mention that they’re upper division courses! POW! It’s always great to have good grades in your upper division courses.

Enough about school, my dad offered to buy me a Fiat 500, which I swiftly declined. Yeah, they’re fun, compact and full of personality. I just don’t like that my knees seem to hit the steering wheel or the glove compartment. I do like that they have back seats, unlike Smart Cars. The one I rode in was in a dark grey color, which is a huge plus. If you didn’t know, that’s my favorite color. ;) (I’m boring, I know) The mileage on the car seemed pretty reasonable. We spent about 45 bucks in gas to Del Rio from San Antonio. I also enjoyed the attention that my older brother and I got from being in it. haha Nothing like to large Latino men in a tiny car to turn heads in that part of Texas.

Most people won’t be able to understand this, but at least Jimbo didn’t talk to me to death this summer. (unlike last summer) He’s a wonderful guy. A very committed Delta Sig Alumnus, but he can talk to you for hours. I’m not lying or exaggerating. Once, I’ve talked to him for 3 hours straight, while standing! I honestly enjoy listening to his stories and what-have-yous, but I can only take so much. Moderation is key here, people.

What else is there to say? hmm Oh! Elvis my little brother, ( 17 years old) graduated from High School. Judson High School Pride! (though they were my old high school’s football rivals) >__>

Hmm I really don’t know what else to say? Oh! I was elected treasurer again for Delta Sig! I thank every one of you who voted for me and for having faith in my abilities. I also would like to thank all of you for the recognition I received during our Spring formal, Carnation Ball. Winning the best active award really meant a lot. Thanks! YITBOS!

I think that’s about all that I can remember that had happened that was worth noting…Oh! Round up was fun! It was REALLY fun!…Spring semester was alright. So since today is the last day of summer school for me, I thought the remixed version of one of Alice in Chains’ song seemed appropriate.

“Schooool’s out for…the next two weeks.” :(

Stay Frosty,

+john

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New Year’s Resolution 2012

It’s that time of the year when we all need to start remembering to write down “2012″ instead of “2012″ on our assignments. It’s also that time to set goals for the upcoming year. I know not to make those goals too outlandish, so I’d have a chance to even accomplish them. This year I’ve learned so many things that have made me a better person. I’ll use this newly acquired wisdom to carefully write down my goals.

I feel like everyone and their mother has this goal. Yeah, you guessed it. It’s to lose some weight and be healthier. The problem that people have every year when setting this goal is that they don’t set quantitative goals. If you don’t set goals that you can track and reach, you don’t have a way to truly reach for. My goal is to lose about 20 lbs for the year. If I lose more than that’s a plus. I plan to work out, and adjust my terrible eating habits. These two actions will also help accomplish the 2nd half of my goal. There is one thing to lose weight, but to do it in a healthy way is another. I would like to lose the weight and keep it off.

This next one is very simple to say, but will require a lot of self motivation to accomplish. I will post a new blog posts in a timely matter. To be more precise, I will at least post three of them a month. This might seem like a simple goal, but it isn’t. It is not that easy for me to post regularly, as you can see from the little posts I’ve posted. I will also like to add to that.  I will also post blogs that at least have 250 words. That’s a modest amount for someone who doesn’t post on the regular. WordPress’ word count feature will make it easy to keep track of that.

I like to do things in threes, so this is my last official goal for the year. This is an important one for me. I will like to touch base with old friends that I’ve made in the past. To make the goal measurable, I will touch base with at least 18 people who I’ve not talked to in a while. I will like to rekindle my friendships. We became friends for a reason, and I will like to continue it. I will utilize the different social networking sites that I have, my phone and many personal get-togethers to reach my goal. This is the one I’m most excited about, and the most rewarding.

Also, notice that I didn’t put an image for this goal. I couldn’t find an abstract image that isn’t corny or dumb looking, so here’s a picture of a furry animal. Careful, it might break into your home and sleep on your couch. Here’s the article . Enjoy.

 

Besides the three that I posted, here are some honorable mentions. haha

  • Sleep more at night because God knows I need it
  • Read more books
  • Tell that girl that she’s pretty
  • Find an internship
  • Draw and create more

Happy New Year to all. I wish you all good luck on your own resolutions.

Stay Frosty,

+john

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Things I shouldn’t be doing while doing things I should

We all go through this on a nightly basis. Some of us in a lesser or greater degree. I go to my desk to do some work for the night, but I keep ending up doing everything else except for work. I think my body has become accustomed to some procrastination rituals that I have to do in order for me to start working.

Here is a list of things that I do that shouldn’t be doing while doing things I should:

  • Like everyone else, I get on Facebook, and waste what seems like hours looking at pictures and my time line.
  • I check all four of my emails account. I should probably consolidate them.
  • Watch the news. I at least have it in the background.
  • I check twitter nonstop! I obsessed over twitter. I have to go back to old tweets that people have posted, so I can be up to date. haha I know that’s creepy, but I need to read those in order to understand what their recent tweets are about.
  • I check my blog. Notice that I said check and not publish a new blog post. Yeah, I’m bad at that, but I’m working on getting better.
  • I check my phone for texts and notes that I have on my notepad.
  • I check my bank account to see how much money I have. I usually get depressed after viewing it. haha
  • I read several blogs and articles. Mashable is usually one of them.
  • I update my calendars. I have one on my phone that I use. It’s called Jorte. I also have a large paper one that is hung to the right of my desk. I use three different markers to write on it.
  • I add and remove stuff from my to-do list that is written on a dry-erase board that is hung underneath the calendar.
  • I start doodling and scribbling on the many sticky notes that I have on my desk and makeshift hutch that I made.
  • I grab a glass of water from the Brita water filter jug that I have.
  • I sit back, and think about what I’m going to work on.

I always finish what I have to do, though not in the time that I plan on. Hopefully, I can cut some of these things, so I can go right into work.

Am I the only one that has this man things to do before being productive? What do you suggest for me to cut from these things?

Until then,

+john

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I Miss Being Creative

Proudly holding longhorn john after completing it.

I used to be actively creative. I use to carry my sketchbook around with me, doodling and noodling. I would make things out of construction paper. I would shape things out of wire. Now, I do nothing.

It has been a little over a year since I last sat down to express myself in any media. It frustrates me that I have neglected this part of me for so long.

As I sit here typing this post, I wonder what got in the way of my passion. Was it  because I started to work at The Office of The Registrar? Was it because I got too busy with school work? Was it because I pledged a fraternity?

I don’t know the answer to why I have stopped. All I know is that I need to start-up again. I brought my light table from home, and I am going to attempt to use it at least once this semester.

I forgot how calming and relaxing drawing was. I use to spend hours sitting at a table drawing. I use to think that was fun.

My first attempt of being creative is designing a concept for a shirt. Another attempt was making a jack-o-lantern our of paper for work. Yeah, I know. I am taking baby steps, but in the right direction. Hopefully soon, I will post things on here.

Wish me luck. Show me your support.

+john

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One of the Worst feelings EVER!

I am still shaken up. My body is still shaking as I am typing this. I thought to myself that if I write this down, that it would help calm my nerves down.

This was one of the scariest things I have ever been through. As I was walking home from my friend’s apartment to mine, these two large individuals started running towards me quickly. The first thing I thought was that they were just running. I don’t know. I don’t think that negatively. I noticed that they were actually running towards me.

The first thing I could think of was that I might die tonight. That I was going to get mugged and stabbed and going to be left on that parking lot to die. My first instinct was to run as fast as I can. I never thought I would ever had to run for my life. I should add that my knee is badly injured. I had to run through the pain of my knee. I can’t think of another time that I ran that fast. The pain was excruciating.

As these bad feeling and thoughts went through my head as I was running through Ballpark to Townlake. I have never felt so victimized in my life. So helpless. The only thing that kept me optimistic was the fact that there was a patrol car. I did not stop until I was next to it. He wasn’t much help, but at least I knew they stopped chasing me.

Right now I am in my room shaken. My knee is swollen like if a papaya has suddenly appeared in my leg. I will try to calm myself down as I attempt to finish my homework and unlock my phone.

 

+john

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If I Had 60 Minutes To Live

This is a though question to answer. There are a lot of things that come to mind. Truthfully, I will post it on my Facebook , Twitter and any other social media that I have. I know that updating them should be last thing I should ever do, but.  I admit, I am quite hooked on them. I really wouldn’t do anything without looking at these. It really is a problem. It’s big enough to be one of the first things I would do.

This is a hard scenario to answer. It will depend where I am at and my physical limitations. I am most likely over thinking this, but what things do I not over think. If I was at home in San Antonio, I would spend most of my time with my family and partially with one of my good friends, Paige. I would love to surround myself with loved ones. I would listen to some music that I cherish the most. Music that has had a big impact to my life.

If I was in Austin, I would immediately call my family and Paige. I would like to talk to them both for the last time. Calling would be the only way to do it since they would be in San Antonio. I wouldn’t know what to do after that. Dying in general is one of my biggest fears. Not the act of dying but the what it stands for. I hate the idea of me disappearing from existence. It scares me. It is an existential fear. Just the thought of me not being anymore puts me into a serious mood. Knowing me, I would be in shock that I would just have one hour or 60 minutes or 3600 seconds left to live. I wouldn’t know who to contact first. I wouldn’t know where to go. I would be very emotionally unstable. There are so many people I would like to hang out with and talk to that are in Austin that I would be over whelmed.

One thing  that I would like to do before I die is to go for a run. I would like to run with as many people who would run with me. I would like these people to run with me until the point that I die. Run as fast as I can. Run as far as I can. I would just run until I die. Running has always been one of my favorite things to do. It is one of the most natural things one can do to feel free. I would run until I can’t run no more and some how muster up the energy to keep moving forward. I want to feel most alive before I go. I want my heart to pump hard. I want my legs to feel the burn. I want to run until the point I die. I want to collapse on to the floor.

I know that last paragraph was a little too weird, but that is just s part of what I would do. If I don’t do what was said above, then I would just go through this whole thing by myself. I would just load up my music and go out for an hour run. This sounds pretty emo, but what the hay, I’ll do what I want.

What would you do in your last hour of your life? Would you go through it alone or with other people? Do you think I am mad that I would be willing to go through this alone?

+john

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